evilgeniuskaty: (scale)
I hate going to the gym and working out. I feel like I haven't done anything or accomplished anything with my day. I know it's good for me, but I would much rather be outside and doing something. And I did today! I mowed the lawn.

Now, I haven't mowed grass since I was a teenager living at home. And I probably stopped doing that around the time I was sixteen or seventeen. In my defense, we had a big yard, I hate hot weather and being the youngest kid in the family meant I got away with skipping out on a lot. Sorry about that, Ma.

I truly forgot how much work it was to mow the grass. We don't have a very big lot, but it was a lot bigger than I anticipated. When I started, I didn't think it was going to be that tough. But I hadn't even finished the front yard before I wanted to quit. And a few days ago, I would have quit.

It took me an hour, but I mowed that damn grass to perfection. By the end of it, I was sweating and disgusting and wanted to curl up and die, but dang-nabbot, we have a mowed yard. And I didn't leave it to one of the boys to do. Girl Power and all that rot.

Perhaps if I tackle exercise in this way from now on, it'll be more enjoyable. I can do something productive or enjoyable. Whether it's walking around the neighborhood while I'm talking to a friend or doing some hard core cleaning of the house, I think it's better for me to enjoy this journey.

Besides, everyone stares at me at the gym.
evilgeniuskaty: (Default)
It struck me today while I was taking a stroll. There is a chance we can blame this on the tear jerking love-a-thon that is the Biggest Loser (Go Mike, by the way) or we can look at it as Katy finally getting off of her (very) fat arse and making some changes.

I'm fat. It takes a lot for me to say that because I don't enjoy being heavy. I wasn't always fat, but I've never been skinny. That's due to some good old Swedish genes that give me hips and boobs. Those aren't going to go away no matter how many crunches or what-have-yous that I do. But, I can still drop a lot of weight. I'm twenty-six years old and I don't expect to look like I did when I was 17. And really, I had some bad hair and poor fashion choices back then so I really have no desire to revisit that version of myself. This is about getting healthy and getting into shape.

I don't want to lag behind my friends when we are outside because walking too much wears me out. I don't want to be the girl to clean her plate every time we go out to eat. I want people to be able to look at me and wonder how I've managed to look good for so long.

My personality is fan-fucking-tastic. That much I know. I think it's about time my outsides matched my insides. And really, I can do this. Okay, so it won't happen as quickly as it would if I was working with a personal trainer, but it can happen. And it will happen.

But there is a point to all of this rambling. So often we see the happy moments in weight-loss. We see people who are already thin talking about the perfect snack. Well, I'm not perfect and I fucking hate working out. But I want the chronicle a fat girl's struggle with weight. No, it's not originally and I don't think it's terribly clever. But it's real and it's true and it's me. And I will never again be the person I am at this moment.

So, the theme for my journal has arrived. This blog will center around my weight loss and what it means for me. And I will do it. I might not do it well and I'll probably fuck up a few times, but I know I'll find some way to laugh through it all.

Because a fat girl running really is funny.

Home

May. 4th, 2009 09:33 am
evilgeniuskaty: (Default)
I have lived in a lot of places over the last few years. Maybe it's because I enjoy change or keep finding better deals and prices. Maybe it's because I'm too picky. But I think the real reason is because I have yet to find a place that feels like home.

Growing up, I lived in the perfect neighborhood. I joke about it a lot, but my neighborhood was incredible. Children played outside and doors were left unlocked without worry. Neighbors became your friends and life was simple. It was joyful. I've never felt that same sense of community in my adult life and sometimes I doubt I ever will.

When I step foot into my parents' house, I feel at home. There is something safe and welcoming about their tidy and modest house. Even with the changes they've made to it over the years, it still feels safer to me than any other place ever could. I was there when that house was built in 1985 and rarely does a week go by in which I don't pop over for a visit. I can walk through the yard without my shoes on and feel the grass on my feet. I can go to the kitchen and know exactly where my favorite glass is. The sofa is new, but the feeling I have when I snuggle down is the same.

Am I going to find that same sense of peace in my own place? Is it because I rent these homes that I feel so transitional? I long to put down roots, but I cannot make myself stay in any one place for more than a year. It makes me itch and I want to try something new. I want to find that feeling of home I so desperately crave.

I want to go home.
evilgeniuskaty: (Default)
There is nothing I enjoy more than the first entry into a new journal. Be is paper or electronic, the feeling of starting over is refreshing. There is no past negativity littering my journal. All the emotional baggage of my past is nothing more than a memory. And while I'm sure I will chronicle a vast array of disappointments, I like knowing that as of this moment my journal is clean.

That being said, I look forward to writing down my experiences and being able to look back and reflect on what they might teach me. I don't know what the future is going to bring me and I'm glad for that. How boring would life be if I knew what was going to happen around each turn?

So, as I start this journal, I look forward to what it may tell me later in life. I look forward to filling the pages with the ordinary experiences and the moments that make me laugh until I cry.


I look forward to life.

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Katy

May 2009

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